For years scientists thought our brain’s stopped growing and changing at the age of 25. Most researchers thought that in your twenties your brain solidified the brain cells you were born with and the connections you had built through learning. Because we were seen as fully functioning “adults” in society, the idea was that we were done growing our brains.
Now we know that’s not true.
People can and do recover from brain injuries and major trauma’s at all stages in life. It’s never to old to pick up a new skill or let go of an old habit. Our brains continue to create new connections in ways that help us heal and learn at any age.
There’s one caveat though and you probably learned it as a kid: you have to practice what you want to learn. Just like when you learn to ride a bike, creating new connections happens in stages. First you hop on, wobble and fall. Eventually it becomes something your body just knows how to do.
There's a saying in that a lot of scientists who study the brain use to express this phenomenon: “neurons that fire together wire together.” Just like muscles, neural-circuits in your brain become stronger when you use them.
There’s another ancient tradition that talked about this truth way before scientists caught on. In the early Buddhist texts, the first word that was ever translated as mindfulness is “Sati.” It’s a present tense verb that means “to remember.”
Remembering is another word for practicing.
You play with your instrument or pull out the instructions and go over them until they’re second nature. In this way, Buddhist forms of meditation were meant to be a moment of remembering the intentions that we want to see more of in our lives.
Therapy and meditation work so well together because both activities help you create and sustain neural changes (learning and growing) like exercise for your brain, your relationships and your emotional wellbeing. A lot of research shows that new neural changes might even be what helps people when they experience benefits from taking anti-depressant meditations.
There’s a myth in our culture that meditation and therapy always make us feel better immediately. They sometimes do, but often they don’t! And that doesn’t mean you did something wrong.
Growth can feel uncomfortable and even a little bit unbalancing (like riding a bike right after you take off the training wheels). Both activities help you get in touch with your emotional life in new ways and change old conditioned behaviors that have been directing the way that you respond to your environment.
If you’re looking for support creating lasting changes, my suggestion is to start with a few habits that are small and consistent.
The point isn’t to sit still and meditate for hours on end. The point is to spend more time hanging out in the mind states you want to cultivate and thinking the thoughts you want to encourage to become habituated.
If you wanted to learn a new habit, would you rather practice once a month for 10 hours or every few hours for 5 minutes? Generally less is more when practiced more often. But ultimately the way you practice has to work for you in your life. Three deep mindful breaths and a reminder of your intention or a vision of something that inspires you is enough to make a big change when practiced consistently.
Overall, the research on brain changes are hopeful and beneficial: they remind us that no one is doomed to stay stuck for the rest of their lives. We can all start engaging in activities that help us carve out new ways forward.
We can heal, we can transform, we can learn to act and speak in ways that’re more aligned with the person we’re ready to start becoming.
All we have to do is show up for the practices that help us remember.
