It seems like everyone from Gwyneth Paltrow to Michelle Obama is talking about self care lately. If you’re a therapist, a healer or a high level professional you’ve probably heard that caring for yourself part of your responsibility to avoid burning out at your job. Still, SO many people in caring professions and leadership positions struggle with self care. Maybe there’s a reason.
Human’s are relational by nature. Our basic biological setup suggests that we’re meant to engage in soothing rituals as a community and with other people! Our stress response system is hyper responsive to social threats… but it’s also responsive to social safety cues. Most of us know that intuitively. That’s why hearing a calming voice or a getting a warm hug can instantly set us back on the right track.
Our systems aren’t set up to keep us feeling safe: competition, financial fear and exhaustion make it difficult to stay present. Most of us are overstimulated and overworked. When we hit the point of too much information, too fast, or too little support for too long, it can be hard to get back to a grounded emotional state. Overtime we get habituated to a level of exhaustion that can make it easier to keep going. We hardly notice we need rest anymore.
This year we’re all more isolating than we’ve ever been, and care work can be lonely. It’s easy to start judging each other for our responses to the stress of COVID-19: to notice folks being “overly cautious” or “irresponsible,” but we need to recognize that what we’re facing is a collective crisis. We need each other more than ever, we need to laugh and play. We need to enjoy each other, even when it feels difficult to do.
Being exposed to people in pain, suffering and trauma takes a toll on everyone. It’s impossible to be unaffected. It’s healthy, human and normal to notice the impact of this work. There’s nothing wrong with you for struggling right now. There are ways to heal, integrate and digest what we’re experiencing collectively — but there’s no way to avoid feeling the collective grief. Whether you’re noticing rage, exhaustion, heavy sadness or engaging in self destructive habits, It’s not about willpower or lack of care. It requires a lot of skills and a lot of support to start creating the routines and community we need to survive this time… and ultimately it requires major systemic changes.
You deserve love, compassion, warmth and support. It makes sense that you feel like you can’t do this alone. We want to support you in doing great work (inner work and work in the world). If you’re an activist, a community leader or a person who works with trauma, you need MORE support to process what you’re exposed to on a daily basis. Thank you. We see you. We love you.
