Meditation has been around for thousands of years and has been used in more spiritual traditions than we can possibly count. It makes sense then, that there are SO many definitions of meditation and ways to meditate.
For our purposes today, I want to keep it SUPER simple. Even for folks who’ve been meditating for years, the basics are important to keep coming back to. They’re the foundation of everything else you do with mediation.
A beginner’s mindfulness practice is the first thing that most of us need to practice. Why? Because without the ability to consciously direct your intention, it’s almost impossible to visualize, label or even send love to yourself in a way that is sustainable over time.
At the core, meditation is a practice of returning to the awareness of what’s happening in the present moment.
I once heard Sharon Salzberg lead a breath based meditation where she used an instruction I’ll never forget “it’s as if your mind is puppy. You love it, and you notice it’s wandered outside of the parameters of your safe yard. Gently, but firmly guide your attention back to the breath.”
If you’ve tried to sit still for a few minutes and “clear your mind,” you’ve probably noticed that our minds do a lot of stuff. Okay, that might be the understatement of the century.
Our minds sometimes take us on wild adventures that can resemble something out of a back to the future sequel:
They come up with elaborate sexy fantasies of cigarettes, cheese burgers or people we want to text us back. All there for us if we just stop meditating and THINK ABOUT THEM.
They make up possible future scenarios where you get fired or the leaky sink finally breaks so you waste energy and get stuck solving problems that don’t yet (and might never) exist.
Or on the opposite end of the spectrum (especially if we’re under caffeinated or meditate at night) they make you think about the most boring parts of your week on repeat until you’re… so sleeeeeepy. You start noticing it would feel so good to just lay down.
Sometimes if we get quiet enough, our minds get “bored” or aversive and start feeling super grouchy about the whole process.
They fill us with doubt and tell us meditation won’t help.
We’ll always be crazy.
We should do something better, more interesting, or more productive.
They tell us we’re irresponsible for being still: we should be working.
Or they get scared and start coming up with reasons for us to move.
ANYTHING TO GET US OUT OF MEDITATION.
This is why people tell me “I can’t meditate.”
My first rule of mediating is: we never want to be in a power struggle with our minds. If you need a break, take it.
There’s also something to be said for setting easy, reasonable boundaries with the Rick from Rick and Morty character in our hypothetical brains.
If you’ve got a Pinky and The Brain situation going on with a mind that’s plotting to take over the world, there’s something to be said for using the compassionate, wise grown up part of the brain to slow us down. How do we do that though? Avoid a power struggle while also exerting influence? It’s not always easy.
An Anchor and the Tao
In the early stages of mindfulness practice, a teacher usually asks you to pick an anchor for your awareness. This could be your breath, what you hear or a part of your body where you can feel a sensation of touch (like your thumb and finger together in a mudra). In some traditions it’s a mantra or an image.
An anchor is like your home base, it’s a safe place to keep bringing your mind back to. It keeps us from getting completely lost to the whims of our anxieties and fantasies. It can take some practice to keep coming back with your attention, but ultimately this ability is a gift.
Being able to consciously direct our attention means that we can calm emotions like anger and fear and it means that we have space between something that triggers us and our ability to respond.
My suggestion is to pick an anchor (like the sensation your breathing at your nostril or in your belly) and practice coming back to it throughout your day. Come back to your anchor at a red light or in line at the grocery store. You don’t want to use it only when you’re stressed out because your mind will start associating it with anxiety. Just use it throughout your day to get comfortable with the practice of consciously directing your attention.
A light touch is the way to go with concentration practice. Keep it easy to achieve and do it regularly. It’s also really important to know that your mind WILL wander. There will be moments where you’re swept away. That’s okay.
Trust that over time mindfulness will help you ride the waves of intense emotions and disengage from powerful stories that keep you stuck in suffering.
It’s just as normal to eventually find your way back to awareness as it is to get carried away in thinking.
More force won’t make the process easier or make you change faster. Our goal is to learn to be a witness and a friend to our hearts and minds. We won’t have influence if we try to control them.
It’s tempting to perform meditation: we want to be perfected, we want to be free from anxiety. But when we start to force our practice, we loose any influence we might have had on our hearts and minds.
Doubt, fear, sleepiness and confusion are totally normal parts of being human, our job is to cultivate a relationship with them that brings about greater peace.
For more support working with intense emotions in meditation check out my contemplative therapy and meditation pages. If you want to learn about using mindfulness skills in relationships click here to learn more about how it supports couples therapy.
<3 Syd
PS - From the moment I started building this business 10 years ago, my plan was to offer a pricing structure that would never turn someone away because of money. In the last few years, due to the expense of running a business in New York, that's become harder and harder.
If you've benefitted from a free offering like this blog or even working with me on an ongoing basis, one way to help make sure integrative health and emotional wellbeing stay available on a sliding scale is to donate to my PayPal: paypal.me/sydneyfaithrose
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